Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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