How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
