The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
