I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
