The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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