i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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