Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
