I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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