for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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