my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
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