STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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