she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
