how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
