I want to have your abortion
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
