...so i touched it.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
