I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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