apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
