it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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