My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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