Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
