Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
