You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize