New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
