Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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