Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Everclear isn't food dammit
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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