Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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