That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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