an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
