Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
