So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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