i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
