What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
