my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
