She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
