currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Holy shit dude........stairs
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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