all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
