like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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