so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
