he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize