i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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