better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
