This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
