Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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