It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
