ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
