Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The Olympian is in my bed
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
