Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Still dying that you shit outside
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
