I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
