I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Even my vagina gasped.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
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Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
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You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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