my mouth tastes like poor choices
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
