i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
They have beer where we have blood.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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