I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
