Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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