wakey wakey hands off snakey
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
