..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
