he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
