drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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