Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
