hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
