Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
