Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
