Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
