its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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