he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i was born a porn star she said
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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