all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
