Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
