You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
