and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
