Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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