FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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