When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
