I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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