cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize