never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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