it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
