I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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