Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
