Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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