my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
