You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
